PFFFFTT

Maybe We’ll Get Really Lucky and He’ll Actually Read This Part Deux…

2009-01-24T08:47:00.000-08:00

Jan 24, 2K09

To: The White House

Attn: President Barack Obama

Re: NCAA Football Playoffs

Dear Mr Obama,

Haven't heard back from you, and do appreciate your busy schedule. Once again I write to offer my services in helping you install the NCAA Football Championship Playoffs, change our country desperately needs. While Florida is a very worthy Champion this year, there are three teams that really should have had a chance to play for Numero Uno, but didn't. Rather than belabor the past, let's adopt a platform of hope, and fix the hosed up mess that is college football today.

Previously, I suggested that we get rid of all the conferences, but I've rethought that stance. There is simply too much money involved to do that, and neither of us need to fight that battle. However, the conferences do need trimming and consolidation, and details follow in the text of this communique. Here's an executive summary, and then we'll get into the details:

There are 120 teams in the NCAA FBS, formerly known as Division 1-A.
There are currently eleven conferences spread across the country in various sizes and shapes. There are also four Independent teams, and they shall get with The Program and be independent no more.
Realignment reduces the total conferences to TEN, consisting of TWELVE teams each.
Each team will play a total of THIRTEEN regular season games, no more and no less, beginning roughly the first weekend of September and ending on Thanksgiving weekend.

Each team will play every other team in their conference ONCE, leaving TWO games open for traditional rivalry games, for example, USC-Notre Dame. Rivalry games such as Oklahoma - Nebraska should be continued, even if the two teams now reside in different conferences.

Realignment of the conferences is detailed below, alphabetically:

Sayonara Boston College, hello to South Florida and to Geographic Correctness.

These guys have gotten away with calling themselves the Big Ten for too long, as there have been eleven members since JoPa State joined the fold a few years back. The existing teams stay intact and Notre Dame finds a home, like it or not.

BC comes home, Temple and Buffalo also save on gas. WooHoo for Green improvements!

The original Big 12 gets revamped and becomes the BIGGER 12, as, well everything's bigger in Texas. Supposedly. In any event, this could pretty much be called the Lone Star Conference but for the inclusion of two teams from the O.K. state. Looks like a Texan got self important with the hiliter here, apologies.

Damn Texans.

There's a Big East, so why not a Big West? This pretty much combines the former WAC and MAC, and adds the Armed Forces. This was a bit tricky, as travel logistics for Army and Navy aren't good, being East Coast teams. I suggest you give each team a 747 and make it easy on them, as they deserve a break.

The Heartland is a brand new conference consisting of the former Big 12 teams displaced by teams from Texas, with some old MAC and WAC members and the odd team from Arkansas thrown in for good measure.

The MidAmerican stays fairly well intact, less Temple and Buffalo and with Middle Tenn State added. Tennessee is an awfully long word, might we get that changed simply to Tenn?

The Pac 10 becomes the PAC 12, by adding newcomers Hawaii and San Diego State.

Conference USA loses all affiliation with the State of Texas and brings aboard five newcomers. Ola, compadres! Wait, you say you don't habla the Espanol? Cool!

Can we interest you in some nice Confederate flags?

Last, certainly not least, and most definitely not alphabetical orderly correct, meet your new SEC. Same as the old SEC. The SEC doesn't really like change, and well, I'm all right with that. These teams and their respective states pretty much scare me as badly as they do the rest of the country.

And that, Sir, is that. I should note here that this is not rocket surgery, and that it took less time to make this spreadsheet during the season premiere of 24 than it did to format this damn blog page. All that's left for us here is to lay out the Playoff System, and we'll hopefully be home in time for lunch. And a nap. Here ya go:

There will be TWELVE Playoff teams, consisting of the winners of each of the above conferences and TWO Wild Cards.
The computer portion of the current BCS System, while likely in need of a bit of tweaking, will serve as the basis for determining the Wild Card teams.
In case of a tie in a conference, the first tiebreaker will be based on head to head competition. BCS computer rankings will break any remaining ties, and there will be a series of other "TBD" steps in the unlikely event two teams remained deadlocked after being run through HAL 2000.
Seeds ONE through TWELVE will also be determined by the BCS computer.
Seeds ONE through FOUR will have a bye in Week One, and the remaining EIGHT teams will comprise the First Round, with FIVE playing TWELVE, SIX playing ELEVEN, and so forth, at the higher seeded team's home field.
Week One will be the first weekend of December.
Week Two will be the next weekend, and will trim the field to FOUR teams. The same seed driven matchups will be employed, and the higher seeds, ONE through FOUR, will once again play on their home fields.
Semi Final Week Three will be the following Saturday, and the games will be a rotation of the Sugar, Orange, and Fiesta Bowls. Each of these bowls will host the remaining highest seed one year, the remaining second high seed the next year, and will not be a part of the Playoff in the third. New Orleans, Miami and Phoenix can either duke it out over who takes a seat in the first year the Playoffs take effect, or we could just draw straws.
The National Championship Game will be played each and every year at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California, on January by God FIRST. Let's make a New Year's Day game meaningful again. Enough said.

Well that's a wrap for this session, Sir. I'm sure there's a pile of things to be ironed out, but they are all doable. I still stand ready to rock. Holla back soon so we can discuss salary and perks of my impending Secretary of NCAA Football Playoffs appointment.

Anxiously,

NFSFFW for PFFFFTT

MEH.

2009-01-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

In a word, that's how I feel about what's left of the season. But any football blog wouldn't be worth a broke dick without SOME coverage of the Championship Games, now would it? So while I can't find the rat's ass I could give about any of these teams or either of these games, I'll do my bloggy duty and give 'em some lip service.

Philly at Arizona: While I think the 11-5 Pats would wipe the field with either team, they don't get the opportunity. Arizona could be a feel good story I guess, but I just can't get behind them. Look up "asshole" in the dictionary and you'll find this pic:

A constant fixture on the Top 5 Worst Owners in Pro Sports List, I wish him, and in turn his team, nothing but FAIL. Sorry Kurt, Larry, and Anquan, hope you do well with your new teams when it's time to get paid.

Philly's chances seem to rest on their defense and fearless leader Donovan McKnob.

Not exactly an awe inspiring scene, and there are more pics of MK in similar positions, usually in a big game. Eagles fans hope Donovan will lay off the Chunky today and finally get to the Souper Bowl - in his fifth try. If it's a close game he'll need just a smidge of help from coach Andy Reid, who seems to lose track of time in crucial situations pretty regularly. Yo, Andy, quit dreaming about the post game buffet and check the clock every now and then. And for chrissake, DON'T EAT YOUR QUARTERBACK!

Prediction: Philadelphia Eagles 31, Arizona Cardinals 21.
I know the Iggles can do this if they get Westbrook involved in the game, especially with some screens early on to open up the middle. Boldin's going to give it a go but won't be full speed, and Larry Fitz will be double covered most of the day by a better pass defense than he's seen in the past few games. This looks like a no brainer to me, a couple picks and forced fumbles would seem to be in the Cards for the Iggles D.
The only thing McKnob and Reid have to fear is McKnob and Reid. And whichever team comes out of the AFC...

Baltimore at Pittsburgh: The Stillers won two previous matchups by a combined score of 36-29. Both Terrell Suggs and Samari Rolle played in those games, but today they are questionable at best. The Ravens had a full on donnybrook against the Titans last week, and they are in for more of the same today. Heinz Field is where Joe Flacco's rookie season comes to an end.

Young Joey has had a marvelous year, he is the first rookie QB to EVER lead his team to a Conference Championship Game. That, along with a killer unibrow, is quite impressive, and he'll be a good one for years to come. But not today. This game will belong to the great defense of the Pittsburgh by God Steelers.

Led by The James Gang, Harrison and Farrior, and Man of Troy Polamalu, and LaMarr Woodley and Deshea Townsend and ... well, you get the picture. The Stillers will get some good licks in the first half and will dominate a tiring and battered Baltimore offense in the second half.
Just like last week. Just like they will two weeks from now against whichever NFC team wins today.

Prediction: Pittsburgh Steelers 25, Baltimore Ravens 11.
An odd score indeed, which you sometimes get with two powerhouse defenses. Make no mistake, in a full health situation for both teams on a neutral field, I'd see this game dead even, but that's not the case in this one. Sorry, Ed Reed, I loves ya and would kill to have you and 10 others just like you on my team. Maybe next year. Seriously.

NFL Divisional Preview

2009-01-09T12:46:00.000-08:00

So we're down to the Final 8, and have two games each tomorrow and Sunday. Gonna be another productive weekend here at the Ranch, I'm sure. I don't see a lot of upset possibilities in this round, and pretty much like all the home teams/favorites, albeit some more than others. Here ya go, in clunker to gem order:

Arizona at Carolina - If you don't have a rooting interest in either team, consider this:

This is far more exciting than this game has a shot at being. The Cards have sucked on the road, especially east of the Mississppi, and they are facing the team that would be #1 in the NFC but for a Week 16 overtime loss in the Meadowlands. Arizona has a middle of the pack run defense on the whole, they have been above average at home and below stinkage on the road. Carolina boasts a two headed monster of fleet footed Jonathan Stewart and slasher DeAngelo Williams, who has rushed for 16 TD's in his last 9 games. The Panthers also have Steve Smith, a very good pass rush and defense, and are undefeated at home. I don't expect 37 year old Kurt Warner to have a banner day, especially as he'll be on his back for a good portion of it, and the Cardinals aren't built to pound the ball with a pretty much rag tag bunch of RB's. With superstar Anquan Boldin likely out, the focus will be on Larry Fitzgerald, All World WR, but he can only do so much. When the two teams met in Week 8, the game was close at 27-24, and Williams was just hitting his stride. I think that same 51 points will be scored in this one , but it won't be close.

Prediction: Carolina 38 Arizona 13.

San Diego at Pittsburgh - If anyone needs to towel off in this one, it shouldn't be a problem.

And there should be plenty of towelies left at the end of the game to wipe the bitter tears of defeat from the collective eyes of Charger fans. The Steelers defense is good, I mean REALLY good. I haven't seen such a thorough beating up of another team as the mauling Pittsburgh put on my beloved Pats in a long, long time. The Pats are usually the ones doing the physical beatdown, but they took it straight on the chin multiple times in Week 13. This impressed me, and Pitts has been my pick to go to the Super Bowl since then. I'm not gonna waver now. The Chargers have won five in a row, although three were against Oakland, KC, and Denver, so color me unimpressed. They will be without the services of Ladainian "Greatest Regular Season Running Back Ever " Tomlinson, and will lay their hopes at the feet of their pretty good run/pretty lousy pass defense to keep this one close against a Steeler offense that's not exactly a powerhouse. On the offensive side of the ball, SD can succeed to an extent with some swing passes to Tiny Darren Sproles and will repeatedly target future Hall of Famer Antonio Gates, but don't expect a lot out of the WRs, another ragtag crew led by Vincent "DUI" Jackson. Philip Rivers had a helluva year, especially with the lack of a true #1 wideout, and was more deserving of league MVP than Manning. I'm not saying he should have won the award, but he did have a better year than Peyton. I fear for him and Sproles this week though, and look for a couple key turnovers that lead to Steeler scores.

Prediction: Pittsburgh 24 San Diego 13.

Philadelphia at New York - A classic NFC East showdown featuring Donovan "Jekyll and Hyde" McNabb vs The Smaller Foreheaded Manning, and a lack of pictures that won't make me sick. A lot of experts are on a Philly roll right now, they've been a trendy pick since demolishing Dallas a couple weeks ago. What the esperts have conveniently forgotten is that in Week 16 these same Eagles went down 10-3 at the hands of the not so mighty Redskins. I foresee another McNabb Moment on the horizon, and not a good one. These two split the season series, each winning in the other's house. Expect that to change this weekend as the trio of Earth, Wind, and Fire - stupid name, but I guess better than Blood, Sweat and Tears - rack up a couple hundred yards and take the pressure off Eli. It'll be pretty close, probably decided on a McNabb pick midway through the fourth quarter.

Prediction: New York 24 Philadelphia 14. Just like last night's game!

Baltimore at Tennessee - Duck and Cover!!!

This could be the scene over LP Field when these two get done with each other. If you like high scoring games with lots of trickery and fantastic long pass plays, don't even bother turning this one on. If the Steelers are the best defensive team in football, these two are numbers 2A and 2B.
Mr Collins, meet Messieurs Reed and Lewis, and hey there Young Mr Flacco, I'd like to introduce you to Senors Haynesworth and Finnegan. You'll be seeing a lot of them on Sunday, and in your nightmares for weeks afterward. Make no mistake, this will be a defensive battle, and I really have no clue who will prevail. I'll give the edge to the Titans as I expect both passing "attacks" to be weak, and I think Tenn has an edge in the running game.

Prediction: Tennessee 16 Baltimore 13.

Y'all enjoy the games and please don't bet your life savings on anything you just read!

2008/9 College Football Wrap

2009-01-09T11:18:00.000-08:00

First, BIG props to Urban Meyer and his Florida Gators for winning their second BCS title in three years. Led by Tim Tebow, Percy Harvin and a bend but don't break opportunistic defense, the Gators sit on top of the college football world once again. For those who rocked, we salute you!

As for the game, there seems to be a general sentiment that it was sloppy, and somewhat of a disappointment. I personally hadn't been so on the edge of my seat for a whole game since last year's Super Bowl, so one might say I disagree, and one would be right. I saw some great defensive plays - Florida's 4th and goal shutdown, the blocked field goal, a great interception by each team. OK, maybe the other two picks were sloppy, but let's be realistic here - this was #1 vs #2, neither got here because any component of their game sucks and the respective D's made good plays on both. I also saw some exciting offense - Harvin's 52 yard scamper, Brown ripping through the Gator D for 50 on three straight runs early in the second quarter, laser guided throws from both QB's into tight coverage. I thought it was a great game to watch, but I guess some people aren't happy when teams actually play defense, or when the outcome of a game still hangs in the balance with five minutes left in the fourth quarter.

So Texas, Utah, and USC got left out in the cold. All three teams were legitimate title contenders, and can't be happy they didn't get a shot. But that's the way the NCAA has set up the system, and for now we all have to live with it. I'll have more on that later, but for now, I just want to congratulate the Gators with a special tip of the cap to young Mr. Tebow, who has pretty much become my favorite college player ever. He's what college athletes should strive to be. C'mon back next year, Sir, and bring home another one of these:

The Following Preview is Rated PG-13

2009-01-07T08:13:00.000-08:00

TebowNator concept by NFSFFW
Photoshop Extraordinaire by NEWWAVEGURLY

Wild Card Weekend Predictions-Update!

2009-01-04T09:03:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm oh for two, hope no one bet their undervalued mortgage on these prognostications. I guess I didn't take Tiny Darren seriously enough in San Diego last night. Or did I???

Gay Homosexual NFL Bestiality!!!

2009-01-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

Words almost escape me here...

Almost.

First, props to the zebra for executing a combination reacharound/reachunder, a daring move with a high degree of difficulty, sure to score big points with Dick Button! I'm kinda thinking he might draw a flag for unsportsmanlike bestiality, but in his defense, he may have just been winding up for his signature "start the lawn mower" move, checking for a weapon of mass destruction, trying to birth a calf, or simply demonstrating a new pass protection strategy called "cockblocking".

I won't even get into what's going on with the guy on his knees, but he could have probably used some personal foul 69 help from this ref:

In any event, looks like the Cards had a big coming out party yesterday, but I am thankful that the postgame bukkake banquet was not televised.

*props to xmas ape at KISSING SUZY KOLBER for the screen grab I swiped

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T09:06:00.000-08:00

And on this day, God said "Let There Be Football!". Too bad He didn't say " Let There Be a National Championship Game, Featuring the Two Best Teams in the Land, Played at the Granddaddy of Them All, the Rose Bowl, in Beautiful Pasadena, CA!". Fucked that one up good, Big Guy. I bet You don't even understand the fucking BCS. You know Pete Carroll doesn't...

Speaking of Mr Carroll, the USC Trojans will make their nearly yearly appearance in said Rose Bowl today, in a game of some significance (likely for as high as #2 in the country!) against the Joe PAs of Penn State. This is a marquee matchup in every way, the best coach of the past decade against arguably the best of the past four decades (if not all time), two storied teams with 11-1 records ranked #5 and #8 in the final BS standings. In a different year this could easily be the National Championship Game, but alas this year there will be two 12-1 teams vying for the title, with a couple other 11-1ers and a 12-0er competing in lesser bowls. No pressing need for a playoff here...

To the game. SC has the nation's best defense, giving up 7.8 points per game, while the what-the-fuck-is-a-Nittany Lions weigh in at #4, giving up 12.4 PPG. On the offensive side, Penn State has put up an average of 40.2 per game, and the Trojans posted 37.5. The logical questions, then, are which offense can overcome a great defense, or which team will win 6-3?
The answers are: USC and neither. Carroll's Crew may just be the best team in college football, they know this even if America and the BCS system doesn't, and they are going to have a large chip on their shoulders today. I expect their defense to have a tremendous day and their offense to be adequate, which will be plenty good enough to carry the day.

Prediction: USC 31, Penn State 13.

Wild Card Weekend Preview

2009-01-01T08:51:00.000-08:00

Saturday:

Atlanta at Arizona. A game which should feature a total lack of defense and hit around 900 yards of total offense, and will be won by Atlanta 38-35.

Indy at San Diego. The Bolts have the shittiest pass defense in football, and they draw The Fivehead in the opening round. One and done for this .500 team, Colts by 24 if Bob Sanders plays, by 10 if he doesn't. Fucker is that good at shutting down the run.

Sunday:

Baltimore at Miami. In which the StinkyFish are exposed to the harsh reality that they really aren't that goddam good, and struggle mightily to put any points up on the scoreboard. Ravens 24, Dolphins 6.

Philly at Minnesota. The Iggles are a wonderfully Jekyll and Hyde team, and God only knows which version will show up at the Metrodome. I'll give the good side a vote for a few reasons - Westbrook is pretty healthy, Pat Williams is dinged up hard on the Vikes' D-Line, Peterson is bothered by a sore ankle and is up against the #3 D in the league against the run, and Brad Childress is a fucking idiot. Eagles 24, Vikings 13.

NFL Regular Season Wrap

2009-01-01T08:35:00.000-08:00

Well, a blog titled "People For Fair Fucking Treatment of Football Teams" wouldn't be worth a broke dick if somebody didn't post a rant about the Pats missing the playoffs at 11-5, now would it?

So if anybody wants to post one, feel free. As for me, I'll take some pride in what this injury riddled team accomplished in '08. 11-5 without Brady, without Harrison and Maroney for most of the season, without Adalius and Bruschi at the end, with Junior and Rosey in solid cameo roles, and with breakout unknown of the year Matty Cassel at the helm and Defensive Rookie of the Year Jered Mayo anchoring the linebacking corps. Yep, it sucks that the 8-8 Chargers get in over us, and I imagine the 9-7 J-E-T-S aren't real impressed by it either. Fuck them.

2008 was a tough year all around, not just for the New England Patriots of Belichick. A lot of people lost their homes, jobs, retirement funds and quite likely a good portion of their sanity. I'll count my blessings that I don't own a house, am self employed, drained my 401K and am already batshit. I'll look forward to a brighter 2009, with a return of Brady or Franchise Player Cassel getting the Pats off to a good start and finishing in a Belichickian manner.

Oh, and why the fuck does Herm Edwards still have a job? Sweet Jesus, that may just be the mystery of a lifetime.

In Which We Learn Why The Cardinals Should Have Stayed in Phoenix

2008-12-21T06:42:00.000-08:00

It's a critical game for the Pats today, all are win or go home now. Thanks to the ineptness of the CowPokers offense last night, we are in even more dire need of help from a couple hapless patsy teams, Kansas City against the Fish and Seattle against the Dog Ass Jets. Neither of these seemingly lopsided matchups is as easy as it looks for our inferior AFC East brethren, however, as KC is nearly impossible to beat at home in December, especially if you have a team full of warm weather pussies like Miami, and the Jets have just looked like shit recently and have a bad weather game up in the PNW. For the record, I pick both the Chiefs and Hawks to prevail today, clearing a path for the Patriots to once again sit on the top rung of the division ladder.

Alas, we can't do anything about those games except watch them play out, and neither can the Pats. We'll just have to concentrate on this week's victim, the Champions of the By God NFC West, your Arizona Cardinals! What a lousy excuse for a fucking football team, champs of maybe the worst division in NFL history, the beneficiaries of having three of the absolute shittiest teams in football as the competition. The Cards don't belong on the same field as the Pats, even this injury devastated version, and will get their tailfeathers handed to them today. Here's a few reasons why:

Just look at Arizona's stadium! A beautiful piece of modern art, retractable roof, retractable field, retractable penises for their stud wide receivers so they don't become cumbersome during fly patterns. Located in wonderful Glendale Arizona, the temperature seldom drops below 60 degrees F and the Cards have enjoyed moderate success in their cushy confines. Here's where they'll play today:

Welcome to Foxboro, bitches, where we don't have retractable anything, and play football outside in subzero temperatures and snow. The U.S. Mail has nothing on us and we basically live for shit weather. You're about to get a beakful of it, and you're not gonna like it. The 2700 mile trip from the desert to the Northeast Pole will be as unsuccessful as the rest of your forays East, and your pass defense will be skewered like a moosekabob. You have no chance today, and here's a little glimpse into your sad future:

Edge James, Tim Hightower and JJ Arrington will find themselves collectively frozen in place, unable to move against a Wall O' Pats.

Larry Fitz and Anquan will find themselves grounded as Kurt Warner has his wings clipped and the Cards' air attack is brought down like an Illinois governor.

Neil Rackers will try to find some footing to get Arizona a couple 3 pointers, but will not have any help from John Deere.

In the end, Warner and Breaston will only be able to watch as the Pats' awesome play relegates them to the bench with frostbitten testicles.

Prediction: New England Patriots 27, AZ Cardinals 6.

Boring Football Saturday

2008-12-13T06:32:00.000-08:00

There's a few of these weeks each season, one or two maybe, where we just have a bunch of clinker games available and all hope for entertainment rests with the E. Okefenokee State Possums and the University of Ponchartrain Swamp Thangs getting into a thrilling 65-64 six overtime shootout. Alas, today we don't even have that type of game to save our football addicted asses as the college season is over, with only one meaningful game left to be played some 3 1/2 weeks from now. Nor are there any NFL games today, as the league has shifted Saturday games to Thursday night on its very own, very limited access network.

So today pretty much sucks, footballwise. With any luck at all I can avoid seeing a Bruins / Thrashers score today and catch the replay tonight on NESN - even though I pay for the channel, the live games are blacked out.

We're left with the Heisman Trophy presentation, an hour of hype and good old stories to get to 5 minutes of the actual presentation and subsequent interview - WOOP! I've professed Tebow man-love here before, and won't shy away from him now. By sheer numbers, it's tough to vote against McCoy, who could go zero for twenty in his exciting upcoming matchup against Ohio Fucking State and still set the alltime completion percentage record, and just as tough to vote against Bradford as he leads an offense that's thrown down 60 against its last 5 opponents, another alltime mark. I would submit here that both have played the majority of their games against weak-assed Big 12 defenses and other cupcakes, and have stats that are inflated as a result. Florida beat then #1 Alabama, #4 LSU, and #6 Georgia by a combined score of 131-51, with Young Tim at the helm, and played an tougher overall schedule than either of his worthy foes.

Who wins? Who the fuck knows... Based on stats alone, Bradford. Toss in leadership and being the most valuable player to his team, and it's Tebow. I see McCoy as being a Ross Perot/Ralphie Nader in the voting, and I believe he'll take more votes from Bradford than Tebow, giving the Gator Great his second Heisman. If I had a vote, I guess I'd employ my basest logic - if the Patriots needed a QB, God forbid, which of these three would I draft?

T2, hands down.

I Just Don't Get It...

2008-12-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

Well, the games have been played, the polls have been polled, the computers updated, the BCS ranks composited, and the Big Bowl matchups set. And I still, and never will, understand how the BCS Bowl selection process makes any sense. I get the conference tie ins, although I think they are idiotic, and they will result in crapfests like the upcoming Orange Bowl from time to time. Shit happens, and every year deserving teams get bumped out of big dollars due to these affiliations. And we have an abortion or two...

Here are the Final BCS Ranks for your perusal:

The BCS Bowl Matchups:

National Championship - #1 Oklahoma vs #2 Florida. I think these are the two best teams and have no issue with either - should be a great game.

Orange Bowl - #12 Cincinnati vs #19 Virginia Tech. A joke game, but I'm done beating this particular horse.

Rose Bowl - #5 USC vs #8 Joe PA State. A good traditional game with the best of the Big Ten and Pac Ten. Can't bitch about it.

Sugar Bowl - #4 Alabama vs #6 Utah. Congrats, Utes, your undefeated season earns you a trip to a home game against a very pissed off Tide team that is going to have a big chip on its shoulder. You do get some nicely deserved cash, though, and I hope you give 'em hell.

Fiesta Bowl - #3 Texas vs #10 Ohio State. OK, here's where I go off. Ohio State? Ohio FUCKING STATE?!? You seriously have to be kidding me. This is a 10-2 team, the second place team in the Big Ten, a team that got pasted by USC and also lost to Joe PA State in Columbus. They own unimpressive victories over Youngstown State, Ohio, and Troy, as well as the train wreck known as Michigan Football 2008. They are ranked TENTH in the BCS, almost 150 points behind #7 Texas Tech and some 60 points behind #9 Boise State.

This is wrong, VERY wrong.

I really don't know if there is a rule prohibiting 3 schools from the same conference from participating in the Big Bowls, if there is it's a totally fucked rule, but hey, rules is rules and Tech can go to the oh-so-unmarquee Cotton Bowl matchup against #25 Mississippi with heads held high. But what about UNDEFEATED Boise? What in hell does this team need to do to get a little respect? They were the first "small school" to get a BCS bid a couple years ago against Oklahoma, and they let out all the stops in pulling off a stunning David vs Goliath upset in the Orange Bowl. It surely looked like one of these two teams would be left out, most likely Boise because of their lower ranking, but in the end TWO very good teams got absolutely fucked over in favor of an inferior behemoth. What in the world are these rankings good for if the governing body can't figure out that 7>9>10? I just became a Colt McCoy fan, and I hope he throws for 10 touchdowns in Phoenix.

Fix the goddamn system, NCAA. If you can't see through the shit residue on your glasses from having your heads straight up your asses and give the paying public a playoff, at least clean the fucking things off enough to be able to look at the mess you've made and level out the playing field.

Feelin' Kinda Sunday...

2008-12-07T14:19:00.001-08:00

Your Weekly Patriots Preview - At Seattle

2008-12-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

I don't know much about Seattle, I spent about 6 hours there one day and that's the size of it. It's very green, very pretty, and it rained the day I was there. The people all seemed nice, although they didn't have good tans, and I thought I was in Asia during the time I was at SeaTac Airport.

I also don't know much about the Seattle Seahawks football team, except that along with the Chargers and Jagwires, they are viewed as having had a hugely disappointing season. I do know the quarterback, Matt Hasselbeck, the eldest son of former Patriot TE Don Hasselbeck and brother of Tim Hasselbeck, also a quarterback, and Nate Hasselbeck, a littler known WR, and I know that Matt Hasselbeck has a bad back that's been hassling him all season. He's probably not going to play today, yielding to Seneca Wallace. I know the Seahawks have had massive injury problems at WR this year, and that at one point they were secretly trying to work a deal with W to bring in some Guantanamo guys as injury replacements. This was surprisingly deemed cruel and unusual punishment by the White House, and terrorists all over the world breathed huge sighs of relief. I further know that this is Walrus Holmgren's last season as the Hawks' Head Coach, and he ain't going out in a blaze of glory, unless the Asian population decides to have a giant Chinese New Year pig roast and uses his house as the fuel.

In summary, I guess all I know about this team is that they suck and probably shouldn't be on the field against even a pretty average Pats team. NFL.com and Google are amazing tools for the ignorant though, so I have learned a few things:

Seattle is dead last in the league against the pass, and Cassel could have a good shot at his third 400 yard game in four weeks. They are ranked 22 of 32 against the run, giving up 4.1 yards per carry and 11 rushing TD's. The tandem of Faulky-Morris should go for 150 today, and there may even be a Law Firm sighting.

On offense, the Seahawks will trundle out the ever inept Julius Jones (brother of Thomas Jones) who will split carries with journeyman Mo Morris (not the brother of Sammy Morris) and maybe even journeyer-man TJ Duckett (no relation to Billy Clyde Puckett). This crew has Seattle solidly at 21 in rushing rankings - WOOHOO! Don't expect much from the passing game , but for the grace of the Raiders the Seachickens would be DFL in the NFL in passing offense, as well as defense. An Exacta of Shame, if you will. Dallas sacked Hasselbeck 7 times last week, while Wallace has more mobility he still has a crap line and no one good to throw at. While the Pats have had a lousy pass rush all season, the recent recycling of Junior Seau and Rosie Colvin could pay immediate dividends today. No need to ask them to stop the run, just let 'em blitz a half dozen or so times.

How bad will this be? Simply put, even Deltha O'Neal may not look like the worst cover guy in the league today.

Pats 34, Seahawks 6.

These Damn Bowl Games About Figured Out Yet?

2008-12-07T07:28:00.000-08:00

Today's IMO Poll Top 8 (AKA the "If We Had a Playoff" Rankings):

Florida 12-1
Oklahoma 12-1
Texas 11-1
USC 11-1
Alabammy 12-1
Joe PA State 11-1
Texas Tech 11-1
Utah 12-0
Boise State 12-0

Yeah, I do know that's 9, not 8, and we all know that won't work for a 4 game bracket. Boise deserves mention though, as they are the only other undie besides Utah, and there isn't going to be a friggin playoff this year anyway. So I'm putting the Broncs in the mix, and have actually figured out a way to get them to a Big Bowl - keep reading...

Rant on:

The Big 12 made a mockery of itself this season. Great conference, with 3 teams in the Top 8, but all 3 are from the South division. While the North division sucks, the rules say North vs South for the Big 12 title. Whatthefuckever. The conference championship game should have been Texas/OK with the winner going to the National Championship game against the Gators. An argument can also be made for Texas Tech being in the Big 12 Champ game, but they got smoked by Oklahoma and just squeaked by the Longhorns on a last second TD pass. Thumbs down, Raiders. Texas is the only team to beat the Sooners, a team that just scored an NCAA record 60+ points in five straight games - jeezus! The Horns should have been the team Oklahoma needed to get by in order to advance to the NCG, and deserved a shot at going there themselves. The Big 12 is a Big Joke.

/end rant

I could rail on about a playoff vs bowls forever , but things aren't going to change today, or this season. Here's what I'd like to see with the mess we are left with:

Florida Tebows vs Oklahoma Laters - National Championship - Should be a lock.

USC vs Joe PA State - Rose Bowl - Is a lock. And Penn St really should consider changing their name to Joe PA State.

Texas Tech vs Texas - Cotton Bowl. Give the Longhorns a chance to avenge their only loss, and Tech a chance to prove their victory wasn't a fluke. Play it right in Big D little allas. Wait, the Cotton Bowl isn't a Big Money Bowl? The hell you say! Well, then screw all them Texans who would love to see this game live, throw this game over to Phoenix in the Fiesta.

Utah vs Boise - The only two undefeated teams, should get a ticket to anywhere warm. The Orange Bowl would be great for them, but we get the immense pleasure of Va Tech/Cincy here. Gonna get some great ratings for that shitshow. So we'll send the Utes and Boysers to the Sugar Bowl.

Alabama vs Nobody - No Bowl. Just give Bama a pat on the ass, congratulate them on a good season and give 'em BCS money. Open up Bryant-Denny on New Years Day and have a 92,000 person Guinness World Record attempt circle jerk. Call it the Saban Bowl, set Nick up at midfield as the ringleader, and show old Bear Bryant clips on the Big Screen TeeVee. Free beer afterward, first come first served. That should work out just fine for Tide fans.

Final BCS rankings and real bowl matchups should be out later today, we'll review these later.

On Fantasy Football Playoffs and Luck

2008-12-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

This is why we play. Weeks 14,15,16, Da Playoffs! If you've been lucky and or good enough, you are still playing, and if you've been really lucky/good, your team came in first or second and has the coveted First Round Bye. Congratulations! But how did we get here? Were we awesomely prepared for the draft, with a full understanding of all rules and settings? Did we draft some huge upside guys that paid big dividends? I will never discount the importance of knowledge and good draft strategy, but I will submit here that these are not the only keys to success or failure, but merely the ones we can control.

Fantasy Football is a game that heavily depends on luck, be it good or bad. You have 13 shots to get into the playoffs, unlike baseball, basketball, or even hockey, which are played almost every day during their respective seasons. 13 Sundays and Mondays, with a few scattered Thursday games on a network 60% of the country can't watch. And that is that. In the other 3 main fantasy sports, if your First or Second Rounder gets hurt, there is a good likelihood that you can pick up a decent enough replacement to get your team through until said stud returns, and you typically can recover over the course of a long season. In football, losing a key player is often a season long ordeal, which gets even worse if his NFL team decides to keep him on their active roster. See: Steven Jackson, each of the last 2 years. This situation can be equally or more devastating than losing a top player to a season ending injury, a la Tom Brady this year. I would speculate that a huge percentage of teams that drafted Brady with their First Round Pick are now eagerly anticipating the start of Spring Training. However, from a Fantasy standpoint, those owners were lucky in that Brady went down in Week 1, and was immediately placed on the IR. A crushing blow, certainly, but at worst an 0-1 team record with 12 weeks remaining to patch the QB position together.

Now let's look at good vs lucky, keeping in mind that even the most knowledgeable, strategy wise managers can have shit luck - the bad type. Here's a theoretical first 6 rounds that would have looked pretty solid on draft day, but would have you WAY on the outside looking in right now:

1- S-Jax or LJ
2- Lawrence Maroney or Darren McFadden
3- Chad Johnson or Tory Holt or Marques Colston
4- Edge James or Jonathan Stewart or Carson Palmer
5- Derek Anderson or Marvin Harrison or Fred Taylor
6- Chris Chambers or Kevin Curtis or Jeremy Shockey

I'll stop there, as I think the first 6 rounds are the most crucial ones, with the rest of a draft consisting of building depth, taking a few flyers, and finding serviceable options at TE, K, and DEF. After 6, I'd like to have 2 solid RB's and and a backup, a WR1 and WR2, and either a TE or QB, all NFL starters. The players referenced above all meet the criteria, and were all picked in the referenced rounds in what I consider my most competitive league, the H2H Super Bowl. Most managers would walk away from a draft with some combo of these guys feeling pretty good about their team, and would be considered by most to have done at least an acceptable job in the early rounds.

And they would be totally fucked. All of these guys have either been hurt, lost their jobs due to underperformance/assaulting women, or have just plain sucked. Teams who own them have been scrambling all year to recover, and as all the aforementioned are pretty much regarded as players that just can't be cut, have been stuck with them. Really bad luck.

Here's my PAT RiotZ draft in this league (draft position 2):

1- Purple Jesus, Adrian Peterson. Easy pick. Also lucky, as the guy ahead of me should have taken him at 1 and I'd have probably sprained 3 fingers trying to punch in LDT at this spot...
2- TD Hoosh - I thought he had a solid chance to be the best WR in the league, especially with gunslinger Palmer throwing to him. He's been very good even without CP, but what could have been?
3- Mike Burner Turner - Finally getting a chance to start, has exceeded everyone's expectations. Props to Matty Ryan for being as good as we knew he could be, alomost immediately. Turner wouldn't have done nearly this well if opposing D's didn't have to worry about an above average passing game.
4- Calvin Johnson - Could be the most talented WR around, but he's on a miserable team with an endless list of really shitty QB's. He and rookie RB Kevin Smith have been the only bright spots for the worst team in the history of the league - oh and sixteen is a mortal lock. Suck it, Tampa Bay, you've got company...
5- Marvin Harrison - Was happy to get him as a WR3, but he hasn't done much. Luckily, I've only had to use him 6 or 7 times, and I did have him in for all the games he scored a TD - 4 total. There's that luck word again.
6- Jay Cutler - Who knew that Rat Shanahan's run first offense would come down to Peyton Hillis and the 2cd string towel boy? Who knew that the Denver D would be leakier than a levee in the Big Easy? No one, that's who. But it turned out exactly that way, and Cutler owners have benefited greatly. His off season diagnosis as a diabetic and subsequent medical treatments have helped his stamina. Would I rather have had Brady, Palmer, or HorseBalls Anderson going into the season?
Fuck and Yes, and I shudder to think what may have been. None of my first 6 picks had major injuries this season - shit luck, the good kind.

I've made my share of blunders this season, on a variety of the 6 teams I manage. All 6, amazingly, are in the playoffs - 2 #1 seeds, a 3, 2 4's and a 6 - and I would have been VERY happy if 3 or 4 got in. I had Ronnie Brown on the bench against the Pats, 5 TD's. I had Burner Turner sitting against a tough Carolina D, 4 TD's. I did sit Cutler one week, 60+ points in a PPC league. As you can see, I obviously didn't make the greatest decisions week in and week out. But I've had more good luck than bad.

More on the good side - Reggie Bush scored 2 punt return TD's late in a game and I squeaked by a worthy opponent by a couple points. I honestly didn't even realize that punt return TDs counted until later that evening. I had Cassel going as a Romo injury replacement for both of his 400 yard performances. I'm sure I could go on here, but I'm about to put myself to sleep and don't wish to do the same to anyone who's still reading this. One last fond recollection though, and then we'll wrap.

I run a cut throat league in which the winning team gets to take a player from their opponent each week. In Week 1, my First Rounder, Mr Brady, went down, I got smoked, and I had Thomas Jones taken from me as a result. Sweetening that pot is the fact that my opponent just happened to be the fine woman I live with. AAARGH! Anyway, I stumbled out to a 1-3 start, then slowly and not real surely worked my way to 6-6 going into Week 13. I could get to the postseason with a victory and good point total against a 5-7 team, combined with a 7-5 team losing with a low point total against a 2-10 team. Things looked pretty bleak, then 2-10 Team Member Plaxico Burress shot his bad self in the leg and was replaced by Mark Clayton off the waiver wire, where he'd been languishing all season. Clayton put up a meast week, 2 TD's and 160+ yards receiving, the 2-10 team is now 3-10, and my team scored enough to win not only its matchup, but the 6 seed tiebreaker as well, by 12 points. More shit luck, type: good. Well, except for Burress himself, I guess. I'm not sure if I can name either him or Clayton as my team's MVP, but I'll give them both serious consideration!

The Wrap: My Pat RiotZ team from above ended up 12-1, the only loss coming during Peterson and Cutler's common bye week. The H2H Super Bowl is a great league with some serious competitors. There are about 120 teams playing in 9 different leagues, and the Top 14 will move into the elite H2HSB league next year to crown the Super Bowl Champ. I believe my team is the #1 seed in the entire competition, there are no other 12-1 or better teams from the regionals that have kept their standings posted. I feel a sense of pride for having a team do so well at this level, but I'm also very thankful that luck has been mostly on my side. And I hope to Christ I don't get drilled in the First Round next week...

If you are still playing, Good Luck! If you're not, Spring Training starts in just about nine weeks.

Invites

2008-12-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

I sent a few invites to some people whose writing I enjoy. I know you all pretty much have at least one site that you write for, and may simply not have time to contribute anything to this fledgling little posting hole. Howver if do you have something football related that you'd like to write here I welcome you to and would love it if you did! I really don't care if your favorite team isn't the Patriots or Boston College, write about whoever ya want - but always keep Romey's Golden Rule in mind - have a take and don't suck.

Anyone from MASS HYSTERIA has an open invitation, just shoot your e-addy to nfsffw@gmail.com and I'll send an invite. For any fan of Boston sports, the above site is required daily reading. Even if you're one of the unfortunates who can't get behind the Beantown teams, I think you'll enjoy some fine and witty writing....

Tim Tebow

2008-12-01T16:46:00.001-08:00

What's not to like about this guy? Maybe the too close resemblance to Brendan Fraser as Adam in Blast From the Past? Or his tendency to Thank God for things as important as his morning dump? Yep, the kid's a little goofy, but one hell of a QB, tough as nails. I think he'll be back for his senior year, there's no way in hell he wants to play in Detroit or St Looie. I wonder if he's ever been to Charlotte...Take it all the way Timmah, and Thank God every day that you don't live in Oklahoma.

Well, So Much For That

2008-12-01T16:30:00.000-08:00

Forget what I said about the Pats and the Super Bowl, those are three words that needn't be uttered unless they are in the past tense. Stiff test all right, I'm thinking Wes Welkah might be just a little stiff himself today, and not in a good way. Good luck, Man of Troy and the James Gang and the rest of the Steel D, you've got a nasty as baby shit schedule ahead but from what I saw yesterday that whole schedule thing might be just a tad over rated. Try not to kill anybody.

Young Matt Cassel Vs Tom Brady, Year One

2008-11-30T09:22:00.000-08:00

So I’d never compare Cassel to Brady in terms of All Time Greats, at least not at this point in Young Matty’s fledgling career as a red shirt freshman starter. But I have kept track of how MC Throw’s first 11 games compare to Young Tom Brady’s first 11…

Team Record:

TB 7-4

MC 7-4

Completions/Attempts/Percentage:

TB 198/302, 65.2%

MC 238/359, 67.2%

Passing Yards:

TB 2082

MC 2615

TD/INT:

TB 16/7

MC 13/8

QB Rating:

TB 91.94

MC 91.49

So.

While I loves me some Tom Brady, MC’s numbers are VERY comparable to what Young Tom put up over his first 11 starts in the 2001 Super Bowl winning season…

Did I just say “ Super Bowl Winning Season?” Hmmm…

Random Thoughts on Today’s Steelers/Pats Game…

2008-11-30T07:49:00.000-08:00

This is the stiffest test the Patriots have faced this season, have no doubt, and should go a long way toward revealing who the 2008 New England Patriots are - Big Contenders or Poser Pretenders.

The Steeler D is ranked #1 in every category that counts, and this game rests squarely on the shoulders of Young Matt Cassel. I totally don’t expect a performance remotely resembling that of the last two weeks from him, but do feel that if he plays an error free game, with say, 275 yds passing and a couple TD’s, the Pats have a real shot at taking down Mighty Pittsburgh.

Forget the Tight End spot today, Watson and Thomas should and will be asked to stay in and help protect Cassel from a ferocious Pitt pass rush, led by the James Gang, Harrison and Farrior. LaMarr Woodley and The Man of Troy, Mr Polamalo, will also need to be reckoned with if Young Matt is to spend the better part of his day in an upright position.

How can the Pats win this game?

Key One: Keep Cassel from getting killed.

Key Two: Get the WR open – Welker always seems to be open, and he is quick enough to find some green spots in a sea of garish yellow and black defenders. Cassel to Moss has emerged as a real threat in the past couple weeks, but expect Straight Cash to be doubled all day. I’d be REALLY happy with 70 yards and a TD from him. Jagar Gaffney, as Madden called him, could have an interesting day against old buddy Anthony Smith, who just doesn’t seem to be a real quick learner about keeping his yap shut.

Key Three: Run a little. I expect Faulky to be the best option today, as he can get open for screens and serve as a great outlet for Matty when the pressure arrives. I don’t see Morris and/or The Law Firm as being factors, but if they can combine for say 40-50 yards, they’ll have some effect on the Pitt rush, as the LB’s will have to stay at home a bit more than they’d like. Put it this way – if we could meld our three RB’s into one meast, KevinBenJarvusSammy GreenMorrisDayAndTheTimeFaulk-Ellis, I still wouldn’t start him in my fantasy league against this defense. And there are about 10 other RB’s I’d draft ahead of him, none of whom I’d feel confident about against Pittsburgh…

Key Four: Stop the run, and put the game into Ben ROFLMAO’s hands. Willie Parker is hurting, and Mewelde Moore is, well, Mewelde Moore, so this should be doable. The Steelers’ O line has been dreadful at pass protection most of the season, and Big Ben has resembled a statue. If the Steelers have to go to an air it out game, the Pats should get 3 or 4 sacks and a couple picks.

Prediction: Pats 23, Pits 17

I’ll take this mostly because of the Razor’s Edge (Gillette Stadium) which comes with the home crowd. I have little doubt New England can hold the Terrible Towel Offense to less than 20 points, the tricks will be not to give up any to the D and to score over 20 ourselves…

More Will Be Revealed…

2008-11-30T06:49:00.000-08:00

Another College Football Saturday in the books, and we now at least know some conference champions and which teams are in next week’s Conference Championship Games.

But not much more.

ACC – Boston College vs Virginia Tech, winner likely to the Orange Bowl.

Big East – Cincinatti is the champ, likely to face ACC winner.

SEC – Florida vs Alabama for the conference title, the winner will be in the Final.

Big 12 – This is a total abortion. Oklahoma will face Missouri for the conference tile and likely move into the Final with a win. The Sooners get the rightful nod over Texas Tech , who they walloped last week, but screw Texas , who beat them earlier in the year but lost to the Red Raiders… The Longhorns will still get an at large bid to a BCS bowl, but will be playing for third at best. This pretty much sucks for them, no one had a harder stretch than the 4 consecutive weeks in which they beat then #1 Oklahoma, Missouri, and Oklahoma State, then got edged on the College Football Play O’ the Year by Texas Tech. Mark Texas down as prime Exhibit A for a team that should have a shot at a national title, and doesn’t. Unless Oklahoma loses…

Big 10 – Penn State drags Joe PA’s old bones out to the Pasadena sunshine for the Rose Bowl.

Pac 10 – USC sits rightly at the top, and will face Penn State in the Granddaddy of them all. They may still have an outside shot at the National Championship Game after snuff-filming Charlie Weis’ boys, rankings, but it’s about as likely as the Detroit Lions winning a game this season. Exhibit B, deserves a chance to compete for the national title, but won’t get it.

Here’s what we should be looking at , in a seeded playoff scenario:

Alabama (12-0)

Texas (11-1)

Oklahoma (11-1)

Florida (11-1)

USC (10-1 with a gimme against UCLA next week)

Utah 12-0

Penn State 11-1

Texas Tech (11-1) or Boise State (12-0)

I’m counting unhatched chickens with USC, but this game is unfortunately a mortal lock.

Sorry, Bruins fans. Tech might actually get bounced from the Top 8 based on yesterday’s lackluster win over Baylor. I rather doubt it, but they did lose All World WR Michael Crabtree, which would be a knockout blow to any real title aspirations if he’s gone for any amount of time. I can’t diss Boise State here, never forget what they did to the mighty Sooners a couple years ago.

Teams with a shot at Big Money Bowls that truly don’t deserve it:

Boston College (9-3), Va Tech (8-4), Cincinatti (10-2 and already in). Boise State and Ball State, 2 little 12-0 schools that could dearly use the cash, are going to be denied. I'm not saying both these teams, possibly even one of them, should be in the mythical NCAA playoff , but they certainly would be better choices than the 3 above mentioned "Champs". At least pair the two of them up for the title of “Best Undefeated Team That Took It Without Lube”. The biggest joke is Mizzou (9-3), who can spin the wheel if they pull off a huge upset against Oklahoma. The Tigers are the 5^th best team in their own conference, and have no business even sniffing the jack.

But that’s our wacky Bowl System! It truly sucks, and not in a good way...

Maybe We’ll Get Really Lucky and He’ll Actually Read This…

2008-11-28T22:18:00.000-08:00

Nov 28, 2K08

To: The White House

Attn: Barack Obama

Re: NCAA Football Playoffs

Dear Mr Obama,

You probably could have gotten more votes if you has stated that you were in favor of a Playoff System earlier in your recent campaign, but in the end I guess it didn't really matter, did it? LOLZ.

I am the founder and for the moment, sole member, of PFFFFTT, People For Fair Football Team Treatment. You likely have noticed that there is an unaccounted for extra “F” in the acronym; with all respect for your new position, I am refraining from using words in this proposal that some may find objectionable. Not you, of course, I know you’re no pussy, but you just never know about some people…

PFFFFTT is currently a non-profit organization dedicated to straightening out the maddening mess that is College Football in the Third Millennium. I will soon be joined by a variety of die hard sports fans from various Internet Forums, blogs, and Fantasy Sports sites, all of whom will lend expertise to this issue. We will also attempt to convince the NFL, and any other leagues which need reform, of the error of their playoff ways, as well as provide some hopefully humorous and somewhat entertaining views on a variety of other subjects. Our initial goal, however, will be to help you get a College Football Playoff System in place ASAP, as we realize you have a few other pressing issues and may be a tad busy. We will work tirelessly around the clock except for when there is football on TV, or an interesting live blog to check out.

Let’s get to the task at hand:

We’re talking BCS today, the Bowl Championship Series, for NCAA FBS (Football Bowl Subdivision), formerly known as Division 1-A. Why the Powers That Be felt the need to rename the division that is comprised of the 120 BIG Boys of College Football is way beyond me, but I do note with some glee that both titles contain the letters “BS”.

Let’s look at The System:

There are 5 BCS Bowls, the Fed-X Orange Bowl, the AllState Sugar Bowl, the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, and the Granddaddy of Them All, The Rose Bowl, presented by Citi. This one should probably be renamed the Bailout Bowl, or at least find a new sponsor… The fifth bowl, as we know it today, is the Fed-X BCS National Championship Game. The Top Two teams in the final BCS Standings play in this baby for all the marbles. This truly is the only game that matters from a prestige standpoint, unless you happen to be one of those Nader-Perot nut jobs that like to walk around chanting “We’re Number Three!” Interestingly, the payout for each of these 5 games is the same - $17.5 million smackers, paid to the schools and conferences. It seems ironic to me that the team that performs the worst in these 5 games gets the same financial benefit as the team that is the mostly undisputed Best in All the Land.

So much for salary commensurate with achievement, but we’ll let that slide lest we get sidetracked and into the whole “the players are the game and most of them have no future in professional football and are getting totally screwed” issue.

Back on track, let’s look at the selection criteria for the BCS Bowls, with some particular attention to how we’re looking this season:

The champions of the Atlantic Coast, Big East, Big Ten, Big 12, Pac-10 and Southeastern conferences get automatic bids, which, of course, have 17.5 million reasons to be accepted. There are 4 at large bids, to smaller schools who meet certain criteria, or large schools who are deemed worthy of inclusion. These teams are determined by a combination of subjective polls and scientific computer rankings. Sounds great, right?

It isn’t.

To wit:

ACC – #21 Boston College (8-3) likely goes to the ACC Championship Game and a shot at the Orange Bowl with a win over Maryland. #20 Florida State (8-3) can advance with a BC loss and a win over Florida – yeah, right… #22 Georgia Tech (8-3) will be the other ACCCG participant with a win over #11 Georgia or a loss by unranked Virginia Tech, who gets in with a win against 5-6 Virginia and a GT loss. My eyes just literally crossed and rolled back in their sockets. In any event, none of these teams is a legitimate Top Ten contender, but one of them is going to hit the lottery. Big East - #16 Cincinnati (9-2) is the other Orange Bowl contestant if they beat 3-8 Syracuse at home this weekend. Woo Hoo!

Current #17 Oregon State (8-3), goes to the Rose Bowl to play Penn State if they beat Oregon (8-3) this week. The soon to be 11-1 Southern Cal Trojans could be relegated to a minor bowl due to an earlier limp performance against these very same Beavers. That’s pretty unlikely, but still, my first grade teacher pretty much instilled that 11-1 > 9-3. I could go on for pages, but will refrain and leave something for commenters to hash out.

In short, The System is broke, Sir and needs immediate fixing. PFFFFTT stands ready to help.

The Solution:

It’s pretty obvious that the Playoff System needs to be 8 teams.

These 8 teams need to be the 1-8 ranked teams in the land.

The subjective polls need to be discontinued – I mean, who pays attention to stupid polls, anyway?

The scientific computer rankings, which are comprised of many components heavily weighted toward record and strength of schedule, need to be the Be All End All.

The four Big Bowls need to lose all conference affiliations, and become quarterfinal and semifinal sites, rotated each year.

Speaking of conferences, they actually need to go away too. Do the schools need to belong to a sub-organization of the NCAA whose main purpose in life is to suck cash away its members?

I think not. We need common sense to win against The Bureaucracy for once.

The schedule needs to be determined by the NCAA, not the schools. No more scheduling patsies for Homecoming Weekend, Michigan. That Troy State game worked out pretty well, didn’t it?

There will be 12 games each for all 120 teams, no more, no less, and none after Thanksgiving weekend.

Traditional rivalries can and must be continued (we have a pretty good understanding of what they are) and geographic proximity will be taken into heavy consideration when making the schedule. This can be done, I mean, we’ve mapped the human genome, right? It shouldn’t be much harder to set the NCAA football schedule.

When all is said and done, the Top 8 teams will advance to the playoffs. #9 can take a consolation prize of “Go Cry, Emo Kid” hooded sweatshirts if they choose, or they can just move along to their lower but still semi-outrageous payday with some modicum of dignity.

The quarter and semi finals will be held on the second and third Saturdays of December, with the Orange, Sugar and Fiesta Bowls being permanent rotating fixtures.

Last, but certainly not least, The Rose Bowl will ALWAYS host the National Championship Game, and will ALWAYS be held on Jan 1! It’s time to go back to having a game on New Year’s Day that actually means something, not just jockeying for the whole Nader-Perot Award.

The Fed-X National Championship Game will be defunct, and Fed-X has nothing to wail

about as they still have the Orange Bowl sponsorship. Maybe they can even lower their prices a bit as they won’t be throwing wild jack at TWO friggin’ football games…

Here’s what we’d be looking at in the proverbial “if the season ended today” scenario. We both know it doesn’t, but hey, humor me for illustration purposes, OK?

In this fictional and semi-unreadable bracket (click image to enlarge), the 4 quarterfinal games would be #1 Alabama (11-0) vs #8 Penn State (11-1) , #2 Texas (10-1) vs #7 Texas Tech (10-1), #3 Oklahoma (10-1) vs #6 Utah (12-0) and #4 Florida (10-1) vs # 5 USC (10-1).

Pretty tasty, no?

I’d actually feel pretty bad for #9 Boise State and #15 Ball Sate, who have both put together great seasons (11-0), and are the only undefeated teams besides #1 Bama and #6 Utah. They are unfortunately members of lowly regarded weak sister conferences, and have mediocre strength of schedule ratings. They would be better off having played a few top 20 teams in that respect, although of course, they may not have come through unscathed. Just one more argument for busting up the conferences and making an attempt at level scheduling – no undefeated team left behind!

”So what’s in this for PFFFFTT?” you may ask, and rightly so.

Well, I’d REALLY like a cool title, Secretary of NCAA Football Playoffs sounds quite appealing.

Just one other small thing, I’d like the last and most important game of the whole season to be named “The PFFFFTT National Championship Game”, with my hopefully soon to be for profit organization having 100% control of naming rights. Should the NCAA or various corporations prefer that their showcase event is called something else, PFFFFTT may choose to independently negotiate the sale of naming rights with any of those entities. Well, except for Citi, because they suck.

Time is of the essence in this matter, Sir.

I realize we can’t implement anything this season, as by the time you take office the season will already be over and the Gators will likely be polishing yet another trophy. The 2009 season is very much within our sights, however. We realize there will be toes stepped on, with bitching and whining and much gnashing of teeth to ensue. Well, Sir, you’re the President of the United States of Gat Damn America, and if anybody gets too difficult you can just send them to Guantanamo for a little respite from their travails.

You can do that, right? LOL

Please send your approval and perhaps a small contribution ASAP so we can push this toward completion in the most timely of manners. We stand ready to begin work immediately.

~Respect

NFSFFW for PFFFFTT

/waits expectantly

//checks mail

///taps foot

Welcome To My Bloggy Thing

2008-11-28T21:56:00.000-08:00

Some of you know me as Zevon, or GranDude or just plain John, and now I've adopted a fourth persona, NFSFFW. This is a takeoff on NSFW (NotSafeForWork), which is what I wanted the new moniker to be. Unfortunately, Blogger doesn't allow four letter I.D.'s (6 minimum), and strategically placed exclamation points and/or periods wouldn't work either. So I simply added a couple adjectival "F's" in, and there ya go.

Anyway, Welcome.

I'll try to figure out how to allow guest editors for article submission as I know there are some of you that may like to rant, rave, or post constructive writings about sports and whatnot. This will be mostly a sports blog, and my first "real" entry is coming right up. It's a plea for sanity, and in light of the content, is surprisingly pretty much safe for work!

Unlike me.
I friggin' hate work.